Why Men May Feel Lonely Even if They are Around Others

Growing up Punjabi Sikh, I was always surrounded by people—family gatherings, Gurdwara, cousins everywhere. From the outside, it looked like connection. But something I’ve realized through my own experience and my counselling practicum is that many Punjabi men feel a deep loneliness that doesn’t match how busy or social their lives seem.

A lot of us were raised with unspoken rules about emotions: be strong, don’t complain, don’t burden the family. I rarely saw the men in my family express vulnerability. They weren’t cold—just carrying the belief that emotional openness was risky or unnecessary. When emotional expression isn’t modeled, it becomes something we avoid, and that avoidance grows into isolation.

In therapy, I see how this shows up. Many Punjabi men crave closeness but fear judgment or rejection. They want support but don’t know how to ask. They feel deeply but struggle to put those feelings into words. So connection happens in “safer” ways—jokes, group hangouts, sports talk, staying busy. These forms of bonding create familiarity but not always emotional closeness.

This ties into the version of masculinity many of us were raised with: strength measured by silence, responsibility, and keeping everything together. Our parents’ generation didn’t always have the space to process emotions, and we’ve inherited those patterns without realizing it. The result is a quiet loneliness—feeling unknown even while surrounded by people.

But connection doesn’t require dramatic change. It can start with naming your own emotions, sharing one honest moment with a safe person, or allowing yourself to say, “This week has been tough.” Therapy can also help build emotional language and challenge old patterns, especially for those of us raised between cultures.

If you relate to this, you’re not alone. Many Punjabi men are carrying the same internal tension: wanting closeness but not knowing how to express it. Loneliness isn’t a weakness—it’s a sign of how much we’ve been taught to hold inside. My hope is that talking about this breaks some of the stigma and helps us move toward real connection, one small step at a time.